“On Building A Routine”

My grandmother had a saying that I can always hear in the back of my mind: “If you have more than one, they are siblings, not twins”. And while I am 99% certain Nanny was referring to body parts, I think that saying applies quite widely to mental health and addiction experiences. Acquittances, moods, experiences, stories, routines. If you have more than one, they’ll be different. As people are all different, so is how they function. And a big part of function is routine. Building a reliable routine can be key for those with mental health and addiction experiences. But would be deemed a “routine” exactly? That’s a great question.

The path to recovery can be a slower one. It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t come in a box that we can just open, lay out and start venturing down. It’s a slow process that develops over time and at a very personal level. Some might start with a 10-step routine, and that’s applaudable. Some might start with a one-step routine, and that one-step routine might simply entail “get out of bed”. And that needs to be applauded just as much because that can be one of THE hardest things for someone to do. We all heal differently and there is an element of vulnerability that can come with that territory.

Routines and mental health can be a tricky thing. We all experience differently, live through it differently, and respond differently. One set thing will rarely function perfectly in two different cases. It’s unobtainable (and unrealistic) to expect the outcome to do or be anything else than different. One thing that I never responded to was “you should’ statements. They always come with good intention, but it’s trying to force the replication of what might have worked in one place into a place where it’s out of place. “You should exercise”. “You should sleep more”. “You should do __”. It’s not a seamless transfer and it’s hard for some supporters to not immediately recognize that one person in their life with mental health experiences might not twin with another.

I like to think of it as less of a should and more of a could. “Should” implies there is more of a right vs wrong element and sounds more like a statement. “Could” implies there is an element of control and far less judgement. When it comes to supporting those, we love with mental health and addiction, we all want to help. We might not know how, but when the time comes, we want to be prepared with what will help.

I’ve been working on my personal routine for just over two years now. Is it perfect? Far from it. Are some days more challenging than others to stick to it? You bet. And that’s ok because routines change along with us. We learn what serves us, what heals us, what helps us and what doesn’t. I like to look at it as a starting point more than a demand as to what I think I should be doing. So, what does my routine consist of? Let’s take a look:

Incorporating Movement: This one is my favourite because it’s use is so fluid and adjustable. When I am feeling my version of “fine’ I can go the gym or do an hour of barre work at home. When I am feeling my version of “low” (because there are varied definitions of both) the thought of having to do either of those things is too much for me to handle. When I feel the later, I walk around the house, do leg raises or arm circles. Those slight but impactful movements get blood flow going and spark the tiniest bit of energy. And sometimes that’s all you need to motivate.

Practising Daily Acceptance: I used to be afraid if I wasn’t laughing as much as I should be or smiling as much as I should be that I was “slipping”. I was hyper aware of the fear of never reacting the way I felt I should be. These days, I work on practising daily acceptance of my feelings and moods without not automatically associating them to the overall quality of my day. This means acknowledging and accepting that one day I might feel 110% while on another I may feel 55%. In that moment the % doesn’t define me or my progress. Reacting and not judging myself allows me to feel a sense of validation.

Focussing on Myself in Ways That Matter: Each day I try to build something into my schedule that puts a positive focus on myself and my needs. Some days that may be doing evening skin care, doing some evening stretching, or even just being still and breathing. What happens day to day is always different and I try not to hold myself to the responsibility of doing each thing each day. Some days are easier than others to give myself that positive focus, so I hold myself accountable to what feels right in the moment. I find it’s a great way to centre yourself once you get a chance to figure out what works best.

Making Time for Music: When I was in the hospital, it would be rare to find me without my bright red headphones hanging loosely around my neck. It was a way for me to ground myself in moments when I found it hard to focus or when I found myself getting caught up in negative emotions. Each day, whether I may need it in the exact moment or not, I make time to listen to something. Whether that be hip-hop, heavy metal, alternative rock or classical piano, I find it either helps to reset in moments where I feel myself starting to drift or it works to keep that sense of positive balance. Music has always been something I’ve cared deeply about but in recovery it just seems to take on a completely different meaning.

I think it’s especially important when reading this to acknowledge that all of these or none of these might be right for you or for the person in your life for whom you’re reading. If all these suggestions are things you would like to work into your daily schedule or routine, then you have your groundwork. If none of these things work their way into your daily schedule or routine, then you still have your groundwork. It’s all about sourcing out ways that you can build a healthy and comfortable routine that works uniquely for you. There is no right or wrong.

It might take some time and adjustment as you go. And you might find that things fall off the list just as quickly as they were added, but it’s important to take your time go step-by-step. You’ll build something that honours and serves you in as many ways as you see yourself needing. And in time you’ll find that whether you have a 1 step 10 step or 15 step routine, you’re building your way to a more supported and healthier you

Yours,

The girl in green